revenge is a dish best served cold.

My life has been a series of unfortunate events as of late. Constant car problems including a flat on the interstate and a hit and run, my father having a heart attack, mitts needing emergency vet attention because her eye magically puffed completely closed (pirate cat), losing my phone (that's a blog in and of itself) and I was "dumped" (using that term in the loosest way possible) by someone I did not really like that much in the first place. Burn. That is just a taste of my last two months. Chrissy v. The Universe. It's a scary thing to think that life itself is against you.

Lets get back to the dumper. Lets give him a name. Something simple and easy to remember. How about "Smeremy?" He decided he did not want to make me dinners anymore right around the time that I decided I did not want to eat dinners with him anymore. (No, this is not some sort of sick euphemism. He made me Indian food; it was actually really good.) It didn't even hurt my feelings. I think I was mostly bitter because he beat me to the punch. "Hey, you cannot "dump" me! I was going to "dump" you! Blast!" I'm generally a good sport so we are still friends. This was a few weeks ago. No harm, no foul.

Moving forward to Saturday night. Alison had a lovely holiday cocktail party and all friends were looking exceptionally snappy. Fancy cocktails were being chugged like keg beer, "simpler times" were had and spills were a plenty. It was a great party. After a cool 4 or 5 hours of drinking, Smeremy and I are had a little conversation. He said something I did not particularly like about having some sort of angry boner for a friend of mine and I got pissed. Not real pissed though. Almost pissed by principle. Remember, I was not even into this guy. Drunk, pissed off attitude is hard to explain or control. I spent the next hour or so avoiding his presence and then decided that it is probably best to just go home. I mean it was 3am.

I gathered my coat from the bedroom and made the rounds to tell my friends I am leaving. When looking for my friend Stuart, I happened to wonder onto the back porch. I close the door behind me and.........dammit! It's just me and Smeremy outside. There was a fresh snow fall. He was leaning on the railing looking out to the city. It would have been romantic if either one of us would have had even a remote interest in the other. I decided to be nice, "Hi, I was just looking for Stuart. Are you okay?" He turns and looks at me, looks back over the edge and without saying a word.......pukes from three stories high. The natural caretaker in me got him a glass of water. At first I wished that everyone could have seen it happen. But then I thought for a second......maybe that little performance was meant just for me. Though the smallest sentiment, I would like to say "Thank you Universe. It seems as though you have not forgot about me just yet."

Projectile vomit. It is the little things that get me through my days.